I never seem to be able to actually post on the day that I weigh in. I need to work on that. This post has good news, bad news, and good news. So we’ll start with some good news first. My weigh in on Wednesday:
Previous Weight: 181
Today’s Weight: 177.6
Weekly Loss: 3.4
That’s another great loss! Partially from being sick over last weekend, but it was still a loss. So there’s my first bit of good news. So here comes the bad news. Valentine’s Day was a huge source of frustration for me. I weigh myself daily (for those of you that have been with me for awhile know this already, and I do have my reasons for this) and until now it has never been an issue. I accept my daily fluctuations. I get that my weight won’t steadily decrease every day. Yet this time I find myself frustrated that the scale bounces up and down. I go up a pound, down a pound. And overall I am losing. I mean, I lost 3.4 pounds last week, right?!? For some reason it’s not enough. The numbers I am losing is fine, but the constant knowledge of my weight is starting to grate on me. So much so that on Valentine’s Day I was furious. For all the wrong reasons. Even though I feel different, I look different, and I do actually weigh less I was frustrated. Like, beyond reasoning, frustrated. I didn’t want to eat eggs for breakfast. I wanted cereal. I rationalized…well technically my Whole30 is over, I can start the reintroduction process. But that’s just dairy, and I want cereal. My daughter had picked out one of my favorite cereals and there it sat on the kitchen table. I circled it all morning. Debating the pros and cons in my head. I guess the fact that I even debated not eating it is a success, right? I finally caved. I’m not even sure if that’s the right word. But I did. I had bowl of cereal. It was sweet. The milk hurt my stomach. I remembered why I don’t eat cereal anymore (cereal has always been my go-to comfort food). I decided I was going to eat Whole30 compliant the rest of the day.
Fast forward two hours later and we are making brownies. My husband came home for lunch, and I couldn’t wait for him to leave so I could taste one. I didn’t want to eat it in front of him. But I desperately wanted the chocolate. I won’t say I gorged myself on treats, but I will say that I had more than my fair share. I ate a great, healthy lunch and then had desserts. But rather than scarf them down like I would previously, I savored them. I allowed myself to enjoy the experience of eating it. And I allowed myself to taste the flavors. Everything was ultra sweet. I felt sick, but not because I ate too much but because of the crap. It was all crap. So at this point I made a decision. I knew that if I finished my day whole30 compliant, I would have a hard time starting again the next day. I needed the day to experiment. So I did. I told my husband to order pizza for dinner. And again I allowed myself to really experience the food. It was awesome! Of course, pizza is one of those things that I will always love. But here’s the good news in all of this. I learned how to understand my body. I know I could have eaten more, but when I was satisfied I quit eating. I didn’t eat until stuffed. I ate until satisfied. HUGE difference. I had also planned on going all out and getting ice cream that night. When it came time to go get it, I chose not to. My body didn’t want it, and I listened!
That’s huge. Even though I had a day of eating garbage, I needed it. I needed to remember to some extent that this stuff makes me feel gross. I needed to be reminded that there is a reason I choose to eat healthy. I feel like I truly understand myself better now. My body has figured out how it’s supposed to work and when I tried to go back it said no thanks! Some people may think I gave in, or gave up that day. In some ways, maybe I did. I have been “perfect” with my eating since January 2nd. I went 34 days without a singe cheat. My body actually needed a day off. My brain needed a day off. And what’s funny is my body now doesn’t crave that. My mind does of course. I smell those brownies or see them on the counter. I am slightly tempted, but I am honoring my body by not eating them. I am sure that I will need the reminder again, but I am hoping it will be to a much smaller extent. I know it’s the Whole30 not the Whole365 for a reason. I am not perfect, nor do I need to be. Yet this one day has reignited my reasons for eating Paleo. I love how I feel, and I know it’s what my body needs to function properly. I will continue to honor my body for another Whole30. I look forward to seeing how many more results I get this second time. I know 1 day in between isn’t much, but for me it made a huge impression.